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Posted Thursday 16th August 2012 at 10.38pm
Alzheimer's
My grandma has Alzheimer's. And it's come quickly. My other grandma had Alzheimers for years before she died, with years of memory problems, then mobility problems, then loss of speech, each symptom coming on gradually so that, seeing her regularly, one found it difficult to know when exactly the problems had started. For a long time my grandad spoke and acted for her, and it was hard to tell how much she remembered and how much she could do for herself. But still we were aware that things were slowly getting worse.
This time it's different. A year ago, as far as I can tell, my grandma was ok. I mean, she's 80, she's had health problems of course - she became diabetic several years ago and has had problems with swollen ankles for a long time too which meant walking tired her out - but even at Christmas she could happily hold a conversation with us and slowly walk around the house. Now she can say hello and yes and no, and that's about it. She can't stand on her own, and it's not clear that she knows who her grandchildren are unless she's told. She counts things religiously. Always counting, always, like if she can only get to the end then everything will be ok. If we sit her down to take her shoes off, she'll take her shoes off, then forget that she's just taken them off, see herself sitting by the shoes with no shoes on, assume she's supposed to be putting her shoes on, put her shoes on, and then start counting the shoelace holes.
And my grandad... well, he's getting on for 80 himself. It's so hard on him - he has to see his wife of so many years disappear before his eyes, and not only that but he has to care for her too, never leaving her alone for a minute, dressing her, feeding her, taking her to the toilet. It breaks my heart just thinking about him - I can't imagine how he feels. It must be like having your heart torn in two in front of you, and having to clean up the mess yourself knowing, knowing that whatever you do it won't be enough and that there's nothing waiting for you at the end, no reward, no thank you, and in fact it's worse than nothing - it's the hardest thing you've ever done but you don't want it to be over, because that's the worst thing that could happen in the whole world.
In one small way we're lucky in that my grandad has stayed up to date with technology over the last 10 years or so, and he can use skype. Which means my dad can see him and my grandma on a regular basis, and even I, 3000 miles away in Canada, can keep in touch. At least that makes it easier for us, and I think it helps my grandad a little bit to have people to talk to. There are so many people out there facing these problems without that tiny relief, without any family or friends to rely on occasionally to break the dreadful routine.
I saw this article about David Blunkett tonight, which is what made me think of writing some of this stuff down.
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