The LSD: You'll never guess what I found in my cupboard.....

[~]

...eye of newt, I though I'd just put it on the elephant there but everything's gone Dali and now there's a...

[Pureferret]

disturbing lack of cohesion with my mind...Hang on why are we all sat round talking to each other and finishing each other's....

[~]

...cream cheese sandwiches? "There's got to be some kind of explanation for all of this!" is a line that's heard all too often in confusing circumstances, and I for one...

[Pureferret]

...and not for all. If you try to share me out I'd just...

[~]

...get all thin and pasty, like an extremely ill person or a knob of butter. Not that the two are particularly similar, I'd hope no butter, no matter how...

[Pureferret]

...delicious ever gets spread over Toaster, him using the palest butter, and being the illest person we know since...

[Omegonthesane]

...records began, and oh, what a record-breaking year that was...

[Pureferret]

..which is pretty obvious. In other news...

[~]

...records began anew today, as officials decided they'd had enough of keeping track of everything, and were fed up of all the calls about whether something was or wasn't a new record. Unfortunately this has rather backfired as a labour-saving scheme as millions of people...

[Omegonthesane]

...rang in with their record breaking attempts, thus overstraining the system for acknowledging such attempts until...

[Pureferret]

the records eventually broke and the worlds smallest violin played a sad note to commemorate all the lives lost....

[~]

...behind the back of the sofa, which seems to hold any number of items which no one can remember losing, and quite a few that no one recalls ever owning. One theory states...

[Omegonthesane]

...that all sofas contain rifts to a hypothetical plane of randomly generated objects, from which all random encounters are equipped, and which...

[~]

...crabes at an unusual canfrastilence rate equivalent to eighteen anodyphrous millitencae. Notwithstanding this is rather odd for...

[Pureferret]

...such exhuberent words, with tough young guys...fingers and teeny toes....

[~]

...challenge the rock, challenging DEATH...and that's putting me on the mountain. But that's a problem, because Saruman is trying to bring down...

[Pureferret]

...the house with his loud beats, can I just...

[~]

...shut down everything! Someone in Australia is coughing! We must close the borders or we will all...

[Pureferret]

...become bored, and by that we must apply the butter in a northward direction like....

[Omegonthesane]

...cream over a heavily magnetised summer pudding, served on a...