Human Existence
14/07/2003:
Jour de la Bastille.
The following
piece of writing is meant to show firsthand what it is to be/become a human
subject, existing and emerging in the world.
It is the exact opposite from being an object, namely a static, fixed,
designed, defined, built, structured (Sartre, 1943, 1947, 1952). It is a very complex, very insecure, very
powerful, very confusing, very irrational, undefined thing, full of constantly
changing states of being, states of mind, different selves, states of
consciousness, identities, emotions, feelings, passions, severe crises and
dilemmas. It is a bursting, burning,
fiery lava full of paradoxes and self contradictions gushing and moving down
extremely rapidly. It is an attempt to
figure this out, to make sense, to understand what is going on, to define, to
reconstruct the self to the best of one’s ability. There is no order, reason, determinism, logic, rationalism. Most of all it is a will to better the self
and to achieve a bit of peace of mind and a little more stability and security,
cooling oneself up a little bit. It is
an optimistic hope for the future, a better one, despite everything. Being, becoming, emerging in spite of
oneself, the world (inner and external) the human condition (Malraux) and the
absurd.
The process is
a very tiresome, tedious, satiating, ungrateful, anguishing one that consumes
the entire self in order to create and construct and reconstruct the self. Yet because it takes and deprives so much
and is so very difficult is a most fulfilling one. Those are my perceptions, my views, my accounts, my
reflections. I feel a need to shout my
humanity to the world at the top of my voice ‘I am here. This is me.
This is who I am. The following is the result of self awareness, reflections,
consciousness of consciousness, introspection, self therapeutic analysis, self
observing and observance, coupled with the observing of others, asking them,
being interested and very curious in them and their existence/being in the
world, immersing myself in them, spending more than three decades reading and
listening to their accounts’.
I want the
reader to share those experiences, conceptions and perceptions with me. I want to make them public, for the reader
to be aware of them. He can be moved,
relate, engage, reflect, contemplate, feel nothing at all, remain indifferent
think it is wellworn, think it is a complete nonsense, feel an inability to
relate and engage, accuse me for asking the wrong question, having the wrong
preoccupations. Read if you wish and
think and reflect if you wish, or toss it away if you desire.
I and You (Thou) and Us
Two different
worlds. Two different lives. Each human existence, being in the world, is
a whole world in a universe of humanity.
They are parallels. They are
independent, distinguished, distinct, unique, personal, dynamic, irrational,
subjective and incomprehensive.
I am the human
subject. I am and I try to reflect,
dereflect (Viktor Frankl) and figure myself out and to see what is going
on. I am confused, lost. What is it? Where am I going in my quest for
peace of mind, happiness, more meaningful/authentic existence. You, the other, social other as some will
call you, who could do no more than act as a heuristic, to try to support and
be there for me as an aid in my journey, suddenly have taken life and adopted a
role that you should not have, that is not merely an illusion but also silences
me and destroys me.
I live. I am.
This is the only thing that there is. I
want to be. I want to be happy. I want to have the most meaningful,
fulfilled life existence/being in the world to which I was thrown.
Universe called
humanity is the we, the us. We are essentially alone in our existence. We were thrown into existence alone and
alone we will be taken away from it. We
have our own individualistic and personal quests, searches, struggles and
journeys that belong to the I, that are unique to us and each one of us. Human existence for us is very tough,
complex, complicated and extremely hard.
It was imposed on all of us, who are the living, the existing. It is not for the fainthearted, the weak,
the pessimists, the nihilists. It is
for the fighters, the strong, the optimists who are willing to struggle and
fight with all our might against all chances, against all odds, refusing to
give up hope and passion.
We must fight,
struggle. We have no choice. We have to be fully committed to our
existence, to being in the world. We
are obliged to it, for utter engagement with it. Our energies, our resources must be fully committed to it. We have to invest all our energies and
resources to it. You, show me you are
fully committed/engaging with your world, your existence. We cannot afford ‘philanthropy’, dedicating
and losing our valuable resources at the expense of our emergence, our journey
for the sake of another’s existence.
Let me be. Immerse in your own
business, of emerging, becoming, be and being.
It is cheap
pedagogy, preaching, mumbling, making noise that means nothing, to devote your own
valuable resources to my own quest, search and journey. You deny yourself. You make me feel bad,
ill-conscious, bad-faith, for doing so.
It is your choice I know. But
you involve me. It seems to me like you
are using me for an escape, an admission that your existence and the quest for
a self are too difficult for you, like the choice to do nothing and not to
choose. Not only that you will be
deprived from your own potential for authenticity but by doing so you will be
depriving me from the possibility of establishing meaning and
authenticity. How can I be authentic,
realising that my will and my journey for authenticity was accompanied and
led/driven by someone giving in, losing faith, who becomes weak and deprives
himself from authenticity (or the will to have meaningful/authentic existence)?
You have to do
your best. Show me how you fully immerse and engage with your self, your
existence, your being in the world.
Show me you are a tough, strong, pitiless (self-pity that is) killer. You will empower me by doing so. You will give me hope, showing me it is
feasible. I want you to succeed in your
journey, in your quests. Not only it
makes me feel happy but it reflects and dereflects upon my own journey. If you can do so then I can do it. There is no justification for an inability
to go on struggling for a better more meaningful existence, for the quest for
authenticity. The only thing we can
share is our will for authenticity, better existence in the world, self
improvement and more peace of mind. We
share the will, the quest, the journey, the will to become and be. We understand that but not the actual manner
of doing so. The way we lead our lives
is wholly individualistic, unique and personal, catered and tailored for us at
any specific given point in our existence/journey in the world.
And it is not
feasible, an illusion for you to attempt to engage directly with my existence,
my world. You have tried to define me,
myself and my existence, to explain, to analyse, to figure me out from your own
world/ existence in the world. You had
a big ego. You have no resources, no energy, no time, no patience for me for
you need to immerse and completely engage in your world. You have obligation to do so as part of
being launched into the world and take upon yourself the mission (project,
Sartre) that is called living, being and life. You are not capable to enter my world completely for you will
need to leave yourself completely and your own world and be me. You are really indifferent to me and my
existence. You should be. I understand this.
I have the
greatest respect for you when you admit and tell me with great embarrassment
that you fail to understand me. You
really wish to do so. There is nothing
you wish to do more than this for it will save so much pain and suffering from
your own existence by observing and learning from mine. But you cannot.
You have your
own life, existence and your own agenda and objectives for your own existence
in the world and you cannot fully comprehend mine. You have been so devoted to
this goal, objective of striving to understand, theorise and explain me that
you forgot me, you ignored me. This is
not your game, not your role. You can
merely know from what I communicate and transmit to you. I could try to do so, with a very limited
degree of success if at all feasible, and you could and perhaps should help me
figure myself out as heuristic, an outsider, in a reciprocal, unselfish, act
where I share my world with you and you share your world with me.
I need to tell
you, communicate to you. You cannot
fully comprehend for you are not me.
You have and can merely take my word for it. If I tell you that I am a chicken then I am a chicken. If one person tells another that he is
Napoleon then he is Napoleon (Laing, 1959).
Maybe some of the people tied up to the beds in Shalvata and Kfar Shaul
(mental institutions in Israel) very confused and claiming they are the messiah
are, in fact, the messiah. You are an
outsider, an external, an observer, a human subject/being, living and
existing. This is your strength. You can give me an external perspective, a
caring, compassionate, passionate, humane and human one. You want to help me. I understand this and I am sincerely
grateful. But you must realize and understand
that you are not me, not myself.
You tried to
figure me out, to theorise, to categorise, to model to explicate, to analyse,
to judge. You have never stopped to listen, to understand, to understand
completely, to immerse yourself in my world and being in the world, to strive
to fully support my existence, my struggles, my quests that you cannot fully
understand. But you must accept and be
tolerate, completely open, de-automatised, forget your prejudices and potential
misconceptions. I want you to stop
patronising me thinking you can be me and figure me out. You cannot.
You are not.
Only I can be,
feel, comprehend myself, engage with myself.
I am very strong. I gain the
strength from my life. I have hope
whether it is an illusion (Becket’s En Attendant Godot) or real (Frankl,
Nietzsche, Rogers, Camus, Kierkegaard, Voltaire), it does not matter. As long
as I live I will hope for the better. I
will work extremely hard (Voltaire’s Candide Ou l’Optimisme) for I have
no choice. Giving up is a death
sentence. I may as well lose myself
physically.
You have to
transcend yourself completely and be transcendent, forget your analytical,
judging tools and your views in regard to the manner in which one should live
and simply listen, immerse in my world/existence, put yourself in one’s shoes,
try to be me, to try to understand what it is like being me. The wish/will/desire to be me is far more
important than the ability to be me which I already said is infeasible.
I am completely
irrational, you say, too passionate, hysterical, neurotic, fiery, dynamic,
controlling, self obsessed, narcissist, solipsist. Yet who are you to say that?
This is my existence, my being-in-the-world, my life. What are you? My judge! The only one to critique, criticise, judge,
analyse, understand, reflect, dreflect
myself is me. And I can be very
harsh, very rigorous about the manner I live my life, far more than you can
ever be. I do so because I have
obligation towards myself, to care about myself, to love myself. I owe it to myself. I must do so. I am the only one who does.
You have no obligation towards myself.
You owe me nothing. I do not owe
you anything.
I think I can
tell you about my quest to figure things out, to progress, to engage in/with
the world if you wish. You can listen,
engage with/in the information I make available to you. You have a choice. But I think this may be a useful exercise for you for you also
exist. You also are in the world. You emerge.
You become. You are. You will be. You have a world, objectives
and, dare I say, obligation to be happy, of benefit to others, to have a
meaningful/authentic existence and life. You can learn from my mistakes, my
flaws, and my strengths.
You can also
decide that I am of no use to you whatsoever.
You wish to do so on your own, alone, with no help, to learn from your
own mistakes and weaknesses, to benefit from your own strengths. This is fair enough. I accept that. I engage with my own existence and being in the world. I reflect.
I dereflect. I want to improve myself, to become a better human being,
happier, more fulfilled. As part of
this need of mine, I wish to help you improve and become a better human
being. There is no coercion. I simply
place my findings, my irrational, passionate, notes in the world, available for
you to engage with. They are there for
you. You can engage with them if you
wish. You can ignore them if you
desire.
References
Becket, (1952). En Attendant Godot. Les
Editions de Minuit. Paris.
[1]Binswanger,
L. (1958). Existential Analysis and Psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis Review, 45,
79-83.
Binswanger, L.
(1963). Being-in-the-world. Basic Books, Inc. New York.
[2]Boss,
M. (1963). Psychoanalysis and Daseinanalysis. Basic Books, Inc. New York.
Boss, M. (1977). Existential Foundations of
Medicine and Psychology. Aronson. New York.
Camus, A. (1942a). L’Etranger. Gallimard. Paris.
Camus, A. (1942b). Le Mythe de
Sisyphe: Essai sur l’Absurde. Gallimard. Paris.
Camus, A. (1947).
La Peste. Gallimard. Paris.
Frankl, V. E. (1969). The
Will to Meaning; Foundation and Applications of Logotherapy.
Plum Book. New York.
Frankl, V. E. (1973). The
Doctor and the Soul; From Psychotherapy to Logotherapy.
Penguin Books. Harmosworth, Middlesex.
Frankl, V. E. (1978). The
Unheard Cry For Meaning; Psychotherapy
and Humanism. Simon & Schuster Publisher. New York.
Frankl, V. E.
(1985). Psychotherapy and Existentialism. Washington Square Press. New
York.
[3]Heidegger,
M. (1962, originally 1927). Being and Time. Harper and Row. New York.
Kierkegaard, S. A. (1962). The
Present Age. Harper & row. New York.
Kierkegaard, S. A. (1968). Fear
and Trembling and Sickness Unto Death. Princeton University Press. Princeton.
Kierkegaard, S. A.
(1974). Either/Or. Princeton
University Press. Princeton.
Laing, R. D.
(1959). The Divided Self. Tavistock Publications. London.
Laing, R. D. (1967). The Politics of Experience
and The Bird of Paradise. Penguin. Harmondsworth.
Malraux, A. (1946).
La Condition Humaine. Editions Galimard. Paris.
Nietzsche, F. (1964a). The Will to Power; An Attempted Transvaluation of all Values. 2
volumes. Russell and Russell Inc. New York.
Nietzsche, F. (1964b). Human, All Too Human; Book for Free Spirits. Russell and Russell
Inc. New York.
Nietzsche, F. (1966). Beyond Good and Evil;
Prelude to a Philosophy of the Future. Vintage. New York.
Nietzsche, F. (1967). Ecce Homo; How One Becomes What One Is. Vintage. New York.
Rogers, C. R. (1965). Client-Centered Therapy, Its Current
Practice, Implications and Theory. Houghton Miffin. Boston.
Rogers, C. R. (1967). On Becoming A Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy.
Constable. London.
Rogers, C. R.
(1980). A Way of Being. Houghton
Mifflin. Boston.
Sartre, J. P. (1938).
La Nausee. Gallimard. Paris.
Sartre, J. P. (1943). L'Etre et le
Neant, Essai d’Ontologie Phenomenologique. Gallimard. Paris.
Sartre, J. P. (1947). Huis Clos. Editions
Gallimard. Paris.
Sartre, J. P. (1952). L'Existentialisme
est un Humanisme. Nagel. Paris.
Sartre, J. P. (1960). Critique de la Raison
Dialetique. Gallimard. Paris.
Serper, A. (1999). A Study of the Conception of
Man in Empirical Psychology by Using Textual Analysis. Thesis submitted in partial fulfillment
of requirements for the degree of Individual Graduate Programme at the Hebrew
University of Jerusalem. Thesis
supervised by Prof. G. Motzkin. The Hebrew University. Jerusalem.
[4]Shanon,
B. (1993). The Representational and
Presentational; An Essay on Cognition
and the Study of Mind. Harvester Wheatsheaf. New York
Voltaire. (1958/1759). Candide Ou L’Optimisme. University of London Press.
London.