As
As an amateur composer I have found that the realisation that I do not
care what the audience thinks has improved my confidence. After forty
years of composing, on and off, I had my first public performance in
1996. It was a nervous experience, but I knew that from my admittedly
odd position it was a good piece, and I knew that 2 people liked it
(including me). That is good enough. Yes I would like others to see
my aesthetic position, but if they did not I was not going to panic
and hide (as a friend did at high school). So I do not write for an
audience, and I am not going to adapt my emotional life to please
them. If an audience likes it I do not object, and my ego feels better for acceptance. But if no
work is performed in public again it would be only vanity which was
hurt; I do not think the world would be poorer for not hearing it.
The best thing I got from the performance was hearing the sound in a
large hall, and hearing relations inside which I
had not heard before. The experience convinced me of the value of the
piece to me. Some others have commented positively on bits of the
work, but that is a bonus.
Yes I am disappointed when pieces are rejected for performance, but
that is only ego. I suppose I would like my music performed, but it is
my music I want performed, not some
modified dilution to please people to whom I have not been introduced,
let alone know.
jpff@cs.bath.ac.uk
Last modified: Sun Apr 6 18:17:33 BST 2003