Reports indicate that the man has been recently working closely with chickens in a store of the expanding supermarket chain Morrisons. A representative from the supermarket made a statement concerning the incident, saying "We encourage all of our staff to really get into their work. Sadly, on this occasion it seems an employee has taken this instruction a little too literally." The local trading standards department advises all consumers of chicken (and other cooked meats) who find a white sticky substance in their meat to return it immediately.

The incident is just one in a list of recent events indicating that inhabitants of small villages are all imbred, animal fucking simpletons. Tonight a special Panorama will investigate the 'close' relationship between village folk and their animals. The program, "Chicken shaggers" will be shown on BBC2 at 9pm.